The Disturbing Trend of Toxic Boy Moms
Let me begin by clarifying - this article is not about all mothers of boys. This is not an attack on all the amazing mums out there - you’re doing great, keep it up! Despite not having children myself, I know it is no joke. The amount of time, energy, and love required to raise a kid. Not to mention the immense physical toll. I have serious respect for you all.
Toxic boy moms are a completely separate thing. If you’ve spent enough time on social media, you’ll have likely stumbled across accounts that fit this bill. In the case that you haven’t, I’ll show you the post that sent me down this rabbit hole.
Vile, disturbing, shocking. I know. Thankfully, the TikTok account behind the original video does not look legit - likely a troll account trying to wind people up. However, the sentiment at the heart of the TikTok - mothers inappropriately in love with their sons - is very real. It is a dynamic I have seen countless times, over and over again, in many different ways. For example, take a look at this very real video.
A mother, holding her infant son, lip-syncing to the lyrics:
'Baby baby, when we first met,
I never felt somethin’ so strong,
You were like my lover and my best friend,
All wrapped up in one, with a ribbon on it,'
Why are you - his mother - comparing your toddler to your lover? I’m sure some readers will be thinking, “Awk, sure, it’s just a jokey TikTok. People lip sync to songs all the time without thinking about it.” Okay, I hear you. But... it just starts to feel a bit strange when you see this trend emerge again.
And again.
And… (surprise, surprise) AGAIN.
Scrolling through the comments of that last one yields mixed results. From some feeling understandably uncomfortable:
“This don’t sit right with me-” CJ (i have screenshots of these specific comments btw, I can upload to pintrest and attach them if you think that is good)
To others, responding in earnest agreement:
“This is the hardest thing . Wanting them to find beautiful and amazing woman and knowing that you’ll become second place when you been first so far 🥺” - Tina C
Tina’s comment has over 1400 likes on it. It's clear that they are not the only person worrying about becoming second place in their son’s life. Regardless of the original intention behind this Tik Tok... not every viewer is interpreting it as a joke.
In comparison, when you search ‘girl mom’ on TikTok, you find videos about matching outfits with daughters, post-childbirth advice, and trips to get pedicures. Search ‘girl dad’, and the top results are fathers partaking in girly gossip, wearing wigs, singing along to their daughters’ favourite songs, and also getting pedicures. Nothing about future partners stealing their child. Nobody comparing their daughter to a lover or the love that some adult woman could provide. Because that is wildly inappropriate, it’s a vile thought to sincerely occur in a person's head... let alone a thought anyone should ever consider posting to the internet. So why has this type of content emerged as the latest online trend within the toxic boy-mom community?
The type of love a parent fulfils is different (or at least should be) than that of a romantic partner. These are entirely different dynamics, so why compare them? I find it genuinely disturbing that there is a niche online who appear to feel threatened by future possibilities of the romantic love their son might experience when:
The son in question is usually a child.
There is no risk of a romantic attachment replacing your relationship with your son if your bond was never romantic in the first place.
Founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, hypothesised that during development, most infants will experience the desire to 'possess' a parent - the need to have all of their attention. He argued this often emerged through the infant latching onto their primary caregiver (typically the mother). Thus, their other parent becomes the competition for the caregiver’s attention. He coined this theory as the Oedipus Complex. [His full theory is much more complex ;) and contains a lot more nuance, but for simplicity’s sake, this sums it up.] Personally, I'm not sure how much I buy into Freud’s ideas. It does appear, however, that these social media mothers have reversed this complex through their own strange desire to be the queen of their son’s heart. Newsflash: your son’s girlfriends are not your competition, freaks.
Furthermore, it would be incorrect to assume that this subsection of boy moms are the only parents displaying toxic behaviours towards their children. Fathers can be toxic to their sons and their daughters. Mothers can have toxic relationships with their daughters. Parents can have toxic relationships with their nonbinary children. At the end of the day, gender doesn’t really matter. There are no rules about who will and won’t act in a strange, unusual, and potentially abusive manner. This is just a certain trend I have noticed over the past few years online, and I am not a fan of it.
What happens when this child grows up? When they are no longer infants? Will we have grown-up man-babies who say they want a girlfriend… when, in reality, their expectations for said girlfriend align more with that of a mother? Have we already reached this point?
https://www.tiktok.com/@chezchanelle/video/7262541856263687429?q=teaching%20my%20son%20to%20cook%20so%20he%20won%27t%20be%20impressed&t=1731634900903
Whether or not these videos were made as a joke - they aren't funny. There is a high likelihood that many of the TikToks I've referenced are rage bait (content designed to wind you up). Anger is a quick and easy emotion to tap into. Enrage your viewer, and they’re more likely to leave a comment or share the video with their friends. More comments, clicks, and shares equates to more money for these influencers. The tactic obviously works. I am aware that they have successfully wound me up.
Side note - if we even take a second to think about the ‘future girlfriends’ that these videos are attacking. It makes sense to assume that the future partners of your infant son are (at this time) also infants. And why would a sane adult woman feel threatened by a child? … and that's exactly it. This content is insane.
Finally - children cannot consent to being posted online. A child's brain is not able to grasp what it means to have a social media presence. To understand the possible ramifications that may come from having a digital footprint. I question how comfortable the child stars of these videos will feel in ten years. Knowing that thousands of people have viewed them. Yet they are paraded around as props, posted, and commented on through no fault of their own.
I cannot continue to ignore this. I have to ask, will creators like this look back on their digital footprint with pride? And will these toxic boy moms build a lasting, loving and healthy relationship with their sons, when they are fostering attitudes such as these?
